Modern Anti-Catholic Idiocy; Apologetics Practice

I ran across a delightful (insert sarcasm here) article on the web today.  A perfect example of the misconceptions that exist in this world of ours about the real Catholic Church.  As Venerable Fulton Sheen said,

“There are not one hundred people in the United States who hate the Catholic Church, but there are millions who hate what they wrongly perceive the Catholic Church to be.”

This is also an exercise for me to see whether or not I can appropriately identify and rebut the accusations and misconceptions contained in this article.  My comments in red below, as I follow the pattern set by Fr. Z.  The article made me want to laugh and throw up at the same time.  I have a sneaking suspicion, though, that as soon as I go look for more information on the author, I'm going to find out that he or she is a fairly well-educated "former" Catholic who has become "disillusioned" with the Church.

Here's one of the many reasons Pope Benedict XVI hilariously abdicating his throne is a big deal:

Among the many beliefs that members of the Catholic Church hold is one of papal infallibility. This means that if you're a Catholic, you do whatever the pope says. [Actually, papal infallibility means that when the pope speaks ex cathedra, as pope, on matters of faith and morals, he speaks the truth.  Infallibility is not a matter of conforming to one man's opinion; it's an assurance that the Holy Spirit works in the pope as the leader of the Universal Church to assure us of what is right and wrong.]  Pope says birth control's the work of the devil, you say it too. Pope hates gay marriage, that's your opinion as well. Pope only wants people to sing that s***** song by fun. at karaoke, his will shall be done. The papacy is not the place for debates or democracy. [As a side note, without hierarchy there can only be chaos.]  He's the Godfather, and all Catholics are Luca Brasi.  [Again, we're not following one man's opinion.  This is a gift given to us to show us the path of faith and morals.  See the Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraphs 890-891 for an explanation of what we believe.  And the faith we give to the truth is not a slavish fear.]

This belief in a pope's infallibility is relatively new, only coming into official definition during the First Vatican Council of 1870. [Wrong, sorry.  When doctrines are defined they are not new.  The definition at the First Vatican Council was an affirmation that what the Church has always held is indeed true, and is to be held as doctrine by the whole Church.  But it did not come out of nowhere.  An easy explanation for this comes from looking at the controversy in teh church about the definition at the council - the debate was not between those who believed in infallibility and those who didn't, but rather between those who wanted to define it then and those who believed the time was not the best; these were known as "Inopportunists."  Kudos, however, for looking up the date.]  So Benedict's resignation is the first instance the church has had to deal with the possibility of two people holding infallibility at the same time. The whole thing is, well, troublesome. You certainly can't have two people running around with infallibility. If they ever said sentences containing different words you'd theologically get yourself into one of those time-traveler-meeting-their-younger-self, rip-in-the-fabric-of-space-time scenarios. So the Church took the easy way out: “Don't worry,” they said. “We're just going to pass along infallibility to the next one.”  [The Church has and always will believe that infallibility is a virtue of the office, not the man.  It's called papal infallibility for a reason.  It only applies to the pope, of which there is always only one.]

Now this may not seem like a big deal, especially to those of us living in places where we vote people out of power all the time. Except we're not talking about someone making political decisions here. We're talking about a person who was put in the position because God deemed him worthy. We're talking about someone in charge of the moral conduct of 1.1 billion people. [Italics in original.  Glad they are trying to understand the role of the Pope.  But see how easily this can be twisted back to an attack on the medieval popes?  And the Pope is more than just a disciplinarian, he's the Vicar of Christ.] Now, all of a sudden if this person's unimpeachable authority is impeachable, it kind of cheapens the whole thing. [To anyone who understands the actual teaching of the Church, there is absolutely no problem with a resignation.]  This is but one of the innumerable chips and cracks in the papal armor that are going to make it extremely hard to take the next guy seriously, no matter how much the College of Cardinals make sure they don't pick someone who looks like pure evil this time around.  [The article ends with an appropriate insult spread across Pope Benedict XVI and the College of Cardinals.  They began with a picture of Pope Benedict with incense around his face, leaning down, which to those who have  a bias looks "creepy".  To me, it looks like "priest incensing altar".]